this is the start. i'm somewhere along the path already, but this, this is where i choose it, where i look down at the road and say 'i am here. i am doing this'. what is this? a search, an exploration of identity, of sexuality, of myself.

in the past 6 months i have ended a submissive dynamic in a relationship, discovered that i want to bite and claw and hit and slap the people that i make love to, met and started a relationship with a transman, ended a relationship because, for the first time, i was able to see the bigger picture, and discovered that part of me identifies as butch, as queer. that is a potted summary, and there are many twists and trails for me to follow and understand, many ways in which i can look at all these things and see how the strands intertwine, many realisations that i have had, and will have. i will not let myself float off into the ether and carry on wandering through life without much thought or reflection, i will not let these things pass me by without catching hold of them and examining them. here is the place where i will stir the cauldron and see what arises out of the depths. i will take it to the light and try to see it all.